


Passos

by ILUCIDA



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, Canon Universe, Eremika - Freeform, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, pos112, pos118
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 06:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19267240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILUCIDA/pseuds/ILUCIDA
Summary: "They were not young lovers and full of hope in the future. There were no promises, no dreams. They were just two tired soldiers, grown up and raised in the war. Frail and brittle bones seeking warmth and life in each other"[Eremika] [Pos112] [Pos118]





	Passos

The first time that Eren’s footsteps seemed to tell him where to go, he blamed the mirror

Yes, the shadow that he saw in the damn mirror.

Perhaps he had also grown tired of the voices that exist only inside his head and of spinning only around himself.

Maybe it was his mind addicted to driving him to the same places.

He went down the narrow steps of the dark prison. It must have been more than 2 p.m. The hallway was silent, the shadows of the cold grills were blazing their way.

When he found himself, he was there, in front of her. Sitting with hands on the table, face unreadable.He wondered what he looked like now in her eyes. If he was the monster that he saw in the mirror every day. In the few seconds she turned her gray eyes toward him, Eren realized that he might have gone there just for that.

The feminine vision was quickly concealed by Jean’s, who rushed in front of her.

“Why are you here?” The soldier of his old squadron asked, and only then did he notice that those who once were his companions stared at him in astonishment. “Have not you done enough?”

Eren found himself unanswered. He had not thought of one and before he even wanted to do it, he saw Mikasa’s hand move over Jean’s.

“Enough,” she begged softly, tired of the ailments that day.

Jean recoiled under the gesture, nodding firmly despite a line of embarrassment in her expression as he faced Mikasa. He stared at her as if she were a fucking vision.

Eren lowered his gaze, wondering how soft he must feel on that touch. It used to be yours.

He suppressed the urge to curse and his eyes wandered over the cell, every face staring at him, hoping he had something to say.

Mikasa remained stoic, her hand still held close to Jean’s. How much had they approached? How much had he lost since going to Liberio?

For a minute he wanted to get her out. He did not know under what pretext. Talk? How ridiculous! No, there was no way her friends would let he approach her. They saw he as the monster he was.

He turned his back cursing himself. There was no reason to go there.

…

The second time his footsteps came to life, Eren had awakened from his restless sleep. He looked at the dark walls of the attic and wiped his brow remembering the battle that had required a ceasefire.

Its transformation had reached the limit and the only solution after neutralizing the enemy troops is to hide. Marley’s operation had receded, but they would return, probably more strong.

As he looked around, he noticed that there was a small movement in the room.

“Mikasa.”

She stopped, closing a drawer in the corner of the window.

“I did not want to wake you up,” she said politely, “Jean is in pain, I remembered that the painkillers had stayed here.”

He nodded, staring at the little box in his fingers.

The image of her helping her colleague’s dressings a few hours earlier soon settled into her mind along with the unpleasant thought he wished to draw away.

No, it was only Mikasa, being loyal and careful with her companions. Only that.

Anyway, he found himself denying “I will use them.”

Mikasa’s mouth opened in protest, but she resigned herself before objecting, “Okay, there’s two.”

“I need both.”

Mikasa sighed, “You don’t need.”

“Just because I regenerate faster does not mean that I am immune to pain.”

Mikasa swallowed, she had no right to suppose that Eren would feel less pain than any of them merely because of his condition as a titan.

"Armin has some in his room, he could get it.“

"We were avoiding bothering him,” she replied, twisting resolute the blister, dividing it as if she were dealing with sullen children.

Eren’s brow furrowed. How far would she go for that horse face ?

She had barely had parted when Connie’s voice called her from the other side of the door, “We found some pills in the bathroom drawer.”

“Alright, I’m coming,” she warned his friend and placed the pills on the dresser.

Eren watched her rush toward the door without even giving him one last look.

Something in his stomach sank. It had been the  longest talk they’d had in months, ever since leaving Paradis. At least between them two.

He  missed her voice so badly.

“Mikasa …” he called as if by reflex and she stopped waiting for him to continue.

He took a cautious step toward her, feeling his hands shake.

“Sorry …” he heard himself say, feeling his body sag, almost involuntarily leaning his forehead against her back.

Mikasa froze.

“Sorry … sorry” he repeated again and again feeling his voice fail in a broken cry.

How could he be so weak? How could he think he could bear the weight of himself alone, how could he have thought he would do it without her?

As if it were not enough to have already passed its breaking point, Mikasa wept. A choked, hoarse cry, her trembling surrender denouncing that she understood. Painfully she understood.

“Never do that again,” she ask, wiping his face with his fist. “Take away your friends … me … Never again.”

He nodded, squeezing her harder. She shivered even more and he snapped her into his embrace.

All this time she was so afraid that the Eren she knew, that saved her from a fate worse than death, that gave her a home, just did not exist anymore. So scared …

“Listen,” he said, brushing away the tears that wet his delicate face, staring at her.

Mikasa only noticed the strangeness of the situation. Eren never touched her. Not without involving drills, battles, or a serious injury.

“Even though I should, even if I curse myself, I cannot do that,” he admitted as though in note to himself, “Especially for you.”

She drew back, a confused crease opening into her pale complexion.

He wanted to stop her instinctively, feeling lack of closeness. However, he cursed his fists. She always made him so greedy.

If only he had time.

“I wanted things to be different,” he confessed in frustration, “There’s so much I’d like to say, if I could …”

“What?” She asked, waiting for him to finish. There was something to be caught, but Mikasa did not know if she was fit to catch up.

Eren approached, touching his face again. His fingers were callused, rough, but his touch was gentle. Eren was never soft, condescending. On the contrary, he was aggressive, firm and very direct. That composition painted in front of her did not fit.

“On that day, you told me about the scarf,” he slid his fingers down her soft skin, his eyes descending as if by careless to her lips, “I wonder how it would have been,” he touched the pink and velvety skin offering a sad smile.

She stared at him in astonishment. She had not expected him to notice. Going back to those days, she could not even tell what she would do. She did not know if she had found the determination she needed to cease that little distance there was.

Not even Eren could say for sure, it took him a couple of years to convince himself that maybe and just maybe she had tried to kiss him.

It was a bold thought, in some days it sounded arrogant even. When he found out about the origin Ackerman completely ruled out that hypothesis. No, Ackermans only connected people without any particular feeling that was not respect hard and conditioned.

There were no ways she could feel this way about him.

However, there was that idea disturbing him again.

Worse than that, there was Mikasa and her lips parted in surprise and his uncontrollable will to end any distance.

And so he did.

,,,,,,,,

The third time he found himself going to her before he know it, she reached him first.

A timid beat was heard as he opened the door.

She was red and her eyes lingered on each other before he nodded her way.

Contrary to her expectations, she kissed him.

In the last few days they had been kissing here and there while formulating a new defense plan. He imagined that it was a fact known to the troops that they were together, but neither of them bent to tell any of their nosy friends personally.

They liked the idea of it being a secret between them.

That kiss, like the others they exchanged, was hasty, demanding. Mikasa discovered that this was one of the things Eren thought he could overcome with aggression. She did not mind accompanying him.

Eren felt her body respond to hers, and unconsciously found himself pressing down on the female body. Mikasa interrupted the kiss, looking at him flushed, but then took her lips again.

That was enough to regain his senses. He still understood how his body reacted by being close to a woman. Though he knew to be natural, he wished he would not respond by making him look like a perverted bastard.

Requiring everything from him he pulled away after a couple of stealthy kisses.

“I'ts to late”.

Mikasa sat up on his bed, all her attention focused on her own hands held on his knee, “I thought about sleeping here,” she whispered almost inaudibly.

Eren stared at her in alarm. What Mikasa suggested, from the timidity of his tone, was nothing like what they did when they were children and shared the bed after nightmares or late-night games.

He rubbed his hands in his hair looking for time to recover from the information.

No, he should never even consider being in that situation. At times, that decision seemed more cruel than pushing it away with harsh words.

“I’m condemned,” he finally said, unable to face her.

She stood up, feeling the world flutter, but still she reached him, wrapping him in his arms.

Hugging him, inhaling his scent, his breath … having him close to her was the only way to deal with that painful certainty.

“It could be me too. We’re in a war …”

“You’re stronger, more than anyone.”

“Levi was, too,” she interjected, remembering the captain. They had not heard from him since then, it was very likely that his heart had joined that of the hundreds who perished in that war.

Before he thought of answering, she rubbed her arms and kissed her back, closing her eyes.

Then Eren knew it was easy to take the most selfish attitude.

Mikasa deserved a ring, a nice dress, and a comfortable house somewhere in a quiet place where she could have the life she was entitled to.

There was nothing he could offer to her. He was just a broken man with days counted.

However, even aware - and painfully aware - of this fact, it was easy to move to touch the soft lips willing to claim everything.

Mikasa’s chest heaved as he pushed her against the wall, forcing the buttons of her blouse. They both looked uncertain, aware of the creaking of their own nerves.

Eren then took her wrist, making soft circles over the tattoo she’d once entrusted reveal to him as children. Your hands should not be colder from him. This was a new territory.

He knew about the monsters in her nightmares. Those who took her family, who would sell her in the underworld to be enslaved and violated, making her know the worst of humanity. He knew that when she thought about what might have happened, it haunted her. That event, with all its implications, still delineated how close she could be to anyone’s emotionally and physically.

He hoped she understood. They could take the time they needed. Neither was right about what to do. A shadowy part of his mind even feared some uncontrollability from his powers, and he knew that he had to be as careful as possible

She responded by sliding her hands over her clothes amid caress, languid, full of desire.

Then he touched her. How and everywhere she wanted.

To taste her, to slide his lips over her skin, to hear her sighs became his only ambition and reason for devotion.

No, he had no right. He was not even the man who deserved her. There was no promise he could make, nothing to offer but himself. And so he did.

 _I may not have the softest touch_  
_I may not say the words as such_  
_And though I may not look like much_  
_I’m yours_

Mikasa let himself be led by his touches, seeking also to discover it, to claim him.

They were not young lovers and full of hope for the future. There were no promises, no dreams. They were just two tired soldiers, grown up and raised in the war. Frail an brittle bones seeking warmth and life in each other.

When they came together, Mikasa watched his eyes green and intense, dense with worry, and felt grateful to be him, for being one. For being together and being able to share that moment. Even if there was no tomorrow, it would still be yours.

Eren gave her all of himself, and when she convulsed tightening around his limb, he collapsed on the carefully carved female body of the heavy-duty training of the holding trooper feeling his wet face.

Mikasa wanted to laugh at the tears on her boyfriend’s face, but she held herself back, snuggling into his arms.

She remembered ancient wisdom, about loose boats destined to meet.

Perhaps it was the fact that her steps always lead one to the other, or Grisha’s confused memories, she concluded that perhaps everything had settled well before she dreamed of existing. They would always meet, always find a way to be together.


End file.
